Thank you

I know I've been hit in the face by this before, but this is one of those things in life that I forget about until it smacks me in the face again. One of those things that I wish I'd remember sooner or just never forget. I was reminded today that while I'm learning something I need a lot of reassurance. That can be very annoying for the people around me, lately that's the ones that I trust enough to share my burden with. Sorry Neil and thank you.

Unfortunately I realized this a little late today. One of the people I respect and admire most in my job/workplace/library has taken the brunt of my desperate-need-for-reassurance. She manages one of the teams I work in at the library, and because I started in this team last September but have been left on my own lately I've been feeling a little out of my depth. Today involved being the only team member to be given time to do our work (one was sick, another is on a job secondment, another was off today because she worked Saturday, and the last just wasn't given time because he was needed elsewhere and is even newer to the team than me). It also involved a string of not-so-straight-forward queries and problems which I worked through as quickly as possible (I only had 1.5 hours to do the whole day's work). I left two problems unfinished, but both I understand and am prepared for the next step. I feel like I did good work today, and Jenny (my team leader) didn't get grumpy or short with my continual "just checking I'm doing this right." She finished my work day by congratulating me and saying it was all good practice. Thank-you Jenny.

I won't go into how wonderful Neil has been during my neediness-fest. I am being kicked in the ass by my coursework at the moment and lack classmates that I can discuss the topics with to give each other mutual reassurance. Today I reached out to a couple colleagues who were wonderful (Thank you Andrea and Thelma). Maybe the trick is to reach out to lots of people so as not to annoy any one individual. I'll work on my self-reliance too, but I know reaching out will always be a part of me. I hope that it makes me more approachable when someone in my life would like reassuring.

Fusion burrito

Yesterday I procrastinated in a useful way by feeding myself with a fridge dump. It would have been much faster to eat a packet of soup (which I just steam fro 15 minutes, pour in a bowl and add crunch factor), but I had half a wedge of brie to use up and a chicken thigh as well. So using a few other opened ingredients in the fridge I made this:


The list of ingredients:
a herby flour tortilla
some brie
cranberry sauce
small handful of rocket
a skinless chicken thigh fillet
a spring onion
Japanese soy sauce
minced garlic
button mushrooms

Despite the list of ingredients it was very tasty. Lacked a bit of zing and crunch, but for an experiment I was quite impressed. Technically it wasn't a burrito because I didn't fry it once wrapped, but it would have been better if I had.

All work and no play

I found myself on schedule with time to get ahead last night. Which is an amazing feeling!

Instead of working ahead I redid the blog banner, what do you think?

I've been researching furiously in the last week so as to write an essay this week. It's gone well, although you can see that the blog has suffered a bit.

I have been thinking about this blog in my spare moments and wondering if it needs more of a purpose as my life is not prone to anecdote. I don't want to continuously rant by commenting on the state of feminism in Cambridge or green issues and products (although I realize I haven't commented on many green issues, I keep toying with the idea of praising the wonder that is the Moon Cup which would not be of interest to any male readers if there are any out there). I'd love to have the time and money to review green products though, I really think that would be lots of fun.

One thing I'm learning in my quest for achievement is to have clearly defined goals. Not only does this blog need a new look it's in need of a rethink. Any suggestions welcome, but you can be sure I'll be thinking when I'm not essay writing this week.

Pasta & cheese

The other day a friend of mine mentioned she had mac & cheese for her birthday, and since then I've been craving mac & cheese with a hotdog. I could have ordered Kraft's box kit online, waited for it to arrive cooked it with a not very nice hotdog from a jar I bought at the grocery store since the only way you can buy mac and cheese here is in a can and not the same. I was impatient though and trying to be more organic in my food selection (for the planet, not because I think my body can't handle ingesting chemicals)... so today I came up with this:


I used: organic spinach pasta twirls, organic Cumberland sausages, some shredded organic cheddar cheese, and, because I thought it would be good for me to eat some more vegetables with, some quartered organic cherry tomatoes. It was tasty, but nothing like mac & cheese with hotdogs. Does Kraft make an organic version of their cheese and macaroni?

Monday

On Monday I took a photo along my walk to work because I was so happy to be walking to work in crisp and crunchy snow - even if it was dark and chilly.The photo isn't much but I'd like to use the photo in my first digital scrapbooking layout for an album I'm thinking of creating. The project is a scrapbook of one layout for each week of 2009 - or whatever year I get around to the album. I'm afraid of not seeing the project through though, thus causing guilt and frustration with a lack of achievement. Is this a lesson for me in knowing when to say no? What's the harm in such a creative and fun project? It could help me to remember that things happen in my life (did anyone else feel like 2008 went by in a blur or was it just me?). It could also be yet another subconscious procrastination tool to keep me from my studying. This is a complicated decision.

the rest of the story

I'm feeling guilt over not blogging more regularly. I hope to fix that soon, but until I have a regular writing schedule that I can stick to I will just have to try harder to get here more regularly. Over the Christmas break I brainstormed some new blog post ideas to help me write more here. I categorized these blog ideas and under the ethics category I have written that I should update you on the conclusion to my haircut drama. It's probably a good idea to start the year with a finished story, but I'm not very happy with what has turned out to be the end.

I stood my ground. I wrote a letter which I let Andy, my faithful stylist, read before I gave it to his boss (the owner and manager of the salon). Andy went straight to the boss-man and explained that he was willing to cut my hair for only £18 and that he didn't want to lose me as a client. Boss-man begrudgingly let me have my £18 haircuts, but it appears he's not prepared to make this a standard practice for female customers with short hair. I feel as though I have fallen short of my goal by accepting my price cut despite his insistence that he doesn't have time to decide who gets a short, medium, or long cut. Surely that's what he hires stylists for, as well as cutting hair they could decide just how much to charge.

It seems that because I am a long standing client of Andy's he is willing to bend the rules, but not change them. He, this boss-man, also felt a need to explain that there are all sorts of women who begrudge paying full price because they have short hair or because they have a trim around their single length of long hair. Boss-man also pointed out that he owns a men-only barber shop as well but he allows women there because they are seeking a decently priced short haircut. Neil thinks he's just reasonably widening his customer base, but I'm not exactly comfortable with how he's going about it. He'd have every woman in Cambridge flocking to his salon for a reasonable priced haircut if he could see to change his pricing, while having a salon with good business and ethical practices.

I will keep going there because that is where Andy, my trusted stylist, cuts hair. But I am not surprised that the salon has opposition to their pricing scheme. I hope that other women stand up to it. And I only hope that my stand has made boss-man think. A disappointing result, although I got what I was after..

the word

So it's 2009. This will be the year I turn 30. The year I lose at least 50 pounds. The year I attend my final study school. The year I start my dissertation.

I've read a few blogs where the author cjose a word for the year - a word to explore and understand in a very personal way over the course of a year. If I were to choose a word for 2009 I'd like it to be achievement. I'm terrible at setting goals and sticking to them. Although I realize some goals are meant to be altered for true success. But I rarely feel a sense of achievement. I often feel there's at least 20 more things I should be getting through. This is always the time of year that people set goals which normally never get finished, I'd like to do something different - explre the way to undertstand, se and achieve. I'm sure I can squeeze that into 2009.

I think sometime I subcontiously sabotage my achievement because I'm fighting agains predictability. Or is that just an elaborate excuse for being lazy?

Lastly, choosing achievement as my word for the year sounds like a good occaision for a little redecoration around here. It also may sound like a procrastination techniqye but sometime goals can be purely for the fun of the journey. I can see achievement may be quite an adventure for my brian. I hope that journey towards understanding throws up more answers than questions.